


miscalculation

by thenightwolf732



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF John, BAMF John Watson, Episode: s04e01 The Six Thatchers, Eventual Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt Sherlock Holmes, Hurt/Comfort, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Shooting, euros doesn't exist here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-01-23 15:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenightwolf732/pseuds/thenightwolf732
Summary: what if mary hadn't or couldn't jump in front of the bullet for sherlock?





	1. Chapter 1

"sherlock…"  
“two Burmese and a tortoiseshell judging by the cat hairs on your cardigan. A divorcee is more likely to look for a new partner, a widow to fill the void left by her dead husband.” He continued.  
“sherlock don’t.” marry said louder this time.  
“..pets do that or so I’m told. “Sherlock went on ignoring her.” And clearly there’s no one new in your life or you wouldn’t be spending your Friday nights in an aquarium that accounts for the drink problem too… the slight tremor in your hand, red wine stain ghosting your top lip. So yes I’d say jealousy was your motive after all” norbury finally looked at him with a haunted expression. ” to prove how good you are”

Sherlock could hear footsteps behind him the third click indicated that Mycroft was here . Sherlock instantly felt safer. “To make up for the inadequacies of your … little life.” He finished with distaste and pity in his voice.  
“Well mrs.norbury,” Mycroft said. ”I must admit this is unexpected”  
Sherlock heard the police behind him now. She was cornered and she knew it. 

“Vivian Norbury,” Sherlock said.”who outsmarted them all…all except Sherlock holmes” Sherlock couldn’t help but feel a proud of himself. If john was here he probably would’ve called him out but he was still on his way. Sherlock stretched his arm towards her with his palm up to get her gun while he said: “There’s no way out.”  
“So it would seem” she said “You’ve seen right through me mr.holmes”  
“It’s what I do.”  
“maybe I can still surprise you” she tilted her head and said with a smile that Sherlock didn’t like. And before he know it she lifted the gun and aimed at his heart. Sherlock raised his hands.

“Now come on be sensible” said greg in a convincing voice behind him.  
“hmmm no idon’t think so.”  
Not good ... not good... miscalculation... she is cornered and wants revenge before going to jail. Sherlock had underestimated her. Before Sherlock could do or say anything she pulled the trigger. He felt a white hot pain ripping through his shoulder.  
………………………………………………………….  
John was running past the police officers scattered in the aquarium when he heard a gunshot. He ran faster his thoughts on mary and Sherlock. He turned around the last corner and there was everyone.  
“Mary…” john panted spotting his wife kneeling in the middle of the room. His heart seemed to stop when he saw who she was kneeling next to. Sherlock was leaning against the stairs skin paler than john had ever seen him clutching his bloody right hand on his shoulder.  
“Christ Sherlock” john’s voice broke as he ran to the man on the floor. 

“what happened? “ but he already knew. Mary answered anyway..with her both hands pressing sherlock’s wound.  
“shot in the shoulder. There’s an exit wound but he’s bleeding too fast … I think she hit an artery john.”  
Her voice betraying her seemingly professional behavior. Sherlock’s eyes went up in their socket and his eyelids fluttered shut.  
“Sherlock.. mate stay with me okay?” john said urgently. Rushing his hand on sherlock’s back Pressing on mary’s already steady hand.  
“can anyone find a first aid kit? “john yelled at greg behind him.  
“I’ll go look” he said before rushing out.  
“The paramedics are on their way.” Mycroft said as he put away his phone and took off his jacket then kneeled behind Sherlock and started murmuring in his ear trying to make him open his eyes again. John felt like closing his eyes and sleeping hoping that he’d wake up from this nightmare but he couldn’t afford such comforts now that a worrying amount of blood was pooling under Sherlock and around their hands despite how hard they were pressing down the two wounds.  
“how much longer Mycroft? “john asked looking at Sherlock going paler by the second if that was possible.  
“three”  
Three minutes stretched to three hours as john fruitlessly tried to wake Sherlock and his and mary’s hands were bathed red in sherlock’s blood when finally, paramedics rushed in the room and took matters into their own hands. They put two tourniquets to stop or at least decrease his bleeding and then wheeled them out to the ambulance while john was trying not to get in the way since his body was shaking ridiculously and no amount of ‘john Watson get your shit together he needs you as a doctor not a trembling mess right now’ helped in particular.  
……………………………………..  
Sherlock had been in surgery for some time now. John had slumped on a chair with his head leaning on the wall before him. Mary was walking back and forth in front of the door waiting for a doctor to come out with some news. John was trying so hard not to get flashbacks from the last time Sherlock was shot and he was waiting in a hospital corridor wondering if he’s ever going to see his best friend again or not. Whether he is going to pull another sherlockian miracle and live or not.  
“john?” mary said carefully.  
“hmm?”  
“I think I should go get rosie. Unless you wanna go home and take a rest too. I can be …”  
“I can’t” john cut her short. “I can’t leave him now.”  
Mary nodded “okay then… keep me posted will you?” she bended over john to wrap her arms around his shoulders. John almost pulled away from her touch. Fortunately, mary left without another word. John couldn’t help but think that Sherlock was struggling to live because of mary because of her past. His anger at her for shooting him in the chest came back full force. Sherlock didn’t deserve this.  
Another hour had passed when sherlock’s surgeon came out the door and john jumped to his feet.  
“doctor?” he asked urgently unable to say anything else.  
“He’s stable for now… we think he has a high chance of pulling through “john let out the breath he was holding. ” although I am worried about the brain damage caused by his excessive blood loss. We need to wait and see on that matter. “  
A weight dropped on john’s heart.


	2. chapter 2

John was sitting on an uncomfortable hospital chair. It had been three days since Sherlock was shot. And now he was lying almost lifeless in front of john. He had barely talked to mary last few days other than asking her about rosie and waiting long enough in home to shower and change and embrace his daughter close wishing he could breathe her into him. Rosie’s heartbeat was the only thing that made him feel he still had a heart himself.  
Sherlock’s wounds had been treated and his vitals were stable but he had not awakened yet. The doctors were still running test. All john could do was to sit there and glare at him thinking maybe he could make him wake up by sheer will.  
“dr Watson,” Sherlock’s doctor came in. “we have news regarding mr. holmes. He seems to have entered a comatose condition due to the lack of oxygen his brain received. “  
John felt the floor being yanked from under him. But he kept his face unexpressive and gestured the doctor to continue.  
“we will keep him comfortable for now. He still has a high chance of waking up. His wounds seem to be healing on a reasonable pace. “  
“Is there anything else that can be done?”  
“not for now. We will monitor him closely for a few days.”  
“Thank you doctor” john said quietly and turned to Sherlock waiting for the man to leave. When he finally heard the door close he put his hands to his face and he sobbed into them.  
“oh god” this was his fault. He must’ve gone instead of mary. He should’ve been there to stop this. Tears ran more freely now. He got up and took his chair closer to sherlock’s bed. John took his hand minding the IV lines and held it between his own two palms.  
“Sherlock” his breathed through tears. “listen to me you git. You’re gonna wake up right now. You can’t do this. You just can’t do this to me. People need you here. Mrs. Hudson, your parents, Mycroft… yes even him” he took a deep breath trying to stop the tears. “you should’ve seen him when you were shot. I had never seen him so frightened. Rosie needs you… or who is going to talk to her about types of wool now? …Sherlock.. I need you. I can’t … I can’t do this again.”  
A big lump in his throat stopped him. Sherlock’s eyes stayed closed but john didn’t let go of his hand.  
………………………………….  
It was 24 days since sherlock had closed his eyes last. John had fallen in a routine. Most of his days were spent at his work in the surgery. Then he would go to his house, spend hours with Rosie till her bed time and then get ready to spend another night next to sherlock’s bed. The retractable sofa was sufficient since he couldn’t get more sleep in his own bed anyways. Mary was going more and more agitated at john’s absence from their former life. John could feel that but he wasn’t going to say anything first. He recently realized that he didn’t really miss sleeping next to Mary and then hated himself over it. However these times that guilt gnawed his chest over preferring to spend his nights next to his comatose best friend, his brained reminded him that Sherlock was in this mess BECAUSE of mary. John didn’t feel like forgiving her this time.  
“hey there mate. “ john put his jacket over the chair next to the bed. Sherlock was looking the same. Somebody had shaved him though. Probably his mother had come in to see him today.  
“how do you feel like one of your own compositions today?” john touched sherlock’s matted curls, put his phone on the bedside table and played the music. It was one of his more energetic and mysterious compositions that john had recorded while Sherlock was playing one time.  
“rosie has started crawling. “ john had found a habit of telling Sherlock about his day. Since talking to comatose patients was considered helpful he was safe in case somebody heard him. Because he wasn’t just trying to push sherlock’s brain to consciousness, he also missed talking to his best friend dearly.  
“yeah she’s practically unstoppable … you turn around for one second and she’s gone. Today something happened at the work too…”john went on while his phone played in the background.  
………………………….  
The next day john opened his eyes and glanced in sherlock’s direction as usual. Today was Saturday. He couldn’t spend all his day here. he had to go home some time. it took john half a second until he saw mary at the foot of sherlock’s bed.  
“Mary… you’re here early.” She never visited him while john was here.  
“Good morning to you too.” She said in a grave voice before looking at john. “the sitter has rosie for a few hours. I came to see Sherlock and to … to take you home. “  
“I thought I’d read a bit to him today. Then I’ll head home. You should go ahead” john said seriously as he was getting up.  
“john stop this” mary said frustrated.  
“stop what exactly? “  
“pretending like he needs you here … like you can’t afford to go back to your own life. “mary said her voice rising.  
“I can’t can i? “john’s anger was raising as well. “I can’t go back to my own life. My wife’s past assassin life caught up with her and my best friend paid the price. “  
Mary went pale at john’s words. But john wasn’t done. Everything he had kept bottled up for some time came out rushing.  
“this was not his fight. He and I had to travel half the world away to find you. You weren’t so interested in having your own life then were you?”  
“john stop this,” mary said defensively. “ I told you why I had to disappear I was trying to keep you and rosie safe. And if you hadn’t come after me maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” She pointed at Sherlock.  
“oh now it’s our fault,” john snorted loudly. “ good to know you’re grateful of the person who has saved you on more than one occasion.”  
“if you mean magnussen,” mary’s voice was stone cold now just like her face.” I was perfectly capable of solving that on my own AGAIN if you weren’t involved.”  
“yeah maybe I shouldn’t be,” john was calm now.” I shouldn’t have been involved … I don’t think it’s too late now. No need to say Sherlock won’t be either.”  
Mary was confused now. “john… what are you saying?”  
John took a deep breath inhaling through his mouth. “I’m saying that I think our marriage was a mistake. But I will always be grateful of rosie and always always be there for her as her father… but I don’t think we should do this anymore” john pointed at mary and his own chest.  
Mary’s eyes were shining. She seemed at a loss for words.  
“I’m sorry.” John added, sorrow filling his heart. “I really am. You pulled me together when I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and I will always be grateful of that.”  
Mary nodded her head once, turned around and walked out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always I hope it was enjoyable and any advice on writing is appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

“you up mate?”  
John jostled awake by greg’s voice. “I am now” he said groggily. It was still dark outside the winow. John had fallen asleep on his chair. The book he was reading to Sherlock was now on the floor. John stood up and stretched his back after checking his watch.  
“what are you doing here so late greg?” he said while bending over to pick up the book.  
“I just wrapped up some interrogations at the yard. Thought I’d come see him. It’s been awhile.” He finished somberly. “how are you holding up?”  
It had been a week since john told mary he wanted them to get separated. John had moved his few belongings to the baker street and spent time with rosie as usual while mary found errands to run or friends to see to not be at home during those times. John didn’t know how long they could keep this up but he was surprisingly fine. All he wanted was for the Sherlock to wake up.  
“I’m okay. just wondering if he is going to be too.” He said as he nodded his head towards sherlock’s still form. “you know most of the time I’m thinking that I could have saved him…I wish I wasn’t so late.”  
Greg sighed deeply. “I was… there… and a bunch of police force. We couldn’t do anything until it was too late.”  
John didn’t know how to reply to that so he didn’t say anything. After a few minutes’ he grew tired of the silence.  
“Hey why don’t you tell us about this new case of yours.”  
Greg chuckled. “ yeah he might wake up just to tell me what a moron I am and that he has solved it already in a coma”  
John felt his lips pulling into a smile. Greg started telling him about the case in details. And he tried not to imagine Sherlock each second responding to each sentence with questions and odd observations.  
“… so the cousin and the fiancé are the main suspects for now but…” john thought he had imagined the low groan coming from sherlock’s direction. And he would have ignored it if not for the grimace on sherlock’s face.  
Greg stopped talking when john stood up from his chair and went to Sherlock and held his hand.  
“Sherlock?” the calm in his voice shocking to even himself. “Sherlock can you hear me? It’s john.”  
There was movement under his eyelids. Greg had appeared on the other side of his bed.  
“Sherlock… mate… can you open your eyes? “ greg said with hope apparent in his voice.  
“sherlock can you press my hand?” john felt his ever still hand tense in his palm. A sob made his way out of his throat.  
“I’ll go call a nurse. “ greg left in a hurry.  
“Sherlock? Please wake up … please open your eyes .. for me?” his voice broke.  
Sherlock opened his eyes and for the first time in weeks found john’s eyes in the room.  
“heeey.” John couldn’t stop the tears clouding his vision. “it’s okay .. you’re alright… you’re in a hospital… I’m here. “ he held his hand tightly afraid that if he let go Sherlock would sleep and never wake up again.  
He opened his mouth to say something but no voice came out. Which was normal after weeks of disuse.  
“would you like some water? “  
Sherlock nodded slightly. John hurried to his bag and got his bottle and a cup. He raised the head of the bed and held the cup for Sherlock to swallow slowly. Nurses and doctors followed by lestrade came into the room they started their own observations and questions but john held sherlock’s hand and didn’t let go knowing how he hated being crowded by strangers. Greg glanced at their joined hands once but didn’t say anything. Now that Sherlock was awake john could not care less about what people might think about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you guys think :)


	4. chapter 4

Sherlock was wheeled off to have all the necessary tests done. john was never too far away, following his bed like a shadow. However, he did manage to call Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson to tell them the news. Lestrade had left after asking if he needed anything but he had simply thanked him after giving a rare hug.  
“It’s probably your bloody case that actually woke him up” he joked.  
Sherlock and john were back in the room alone at last. The doctors were happy with his results. He hadn’t said much since he had woken up. He remembered coming back to London with john and mary and not much afterwards.  
“How’s mary and rosie?” he asked quietly.  
John walked to his hair beside the bed. “they’re fine. Good. I’ll bring rosie to see you soon. “  
Sherlock was looking at him with narrowed eyes and a tilted head. Scanning him. The familiarity of the act made john smile but when he realized what might be scanned he stopped smiling.  
“what happened john?” he asked firmly. He really wished they could have this conversation some time later but sherlock’s voice left no place for argument.  
“I… me and mary…”john cleared his throat.” We decided to get divorced. “  
Sherlock had an odd look on his face. He didn’t know what his expression meant. “can I ask why?” his voice careful. 

“because I saw it… finally…that we don’t work. And I didn’t want it to work anymore. “he sighed deeply. Maybe it was exhaustion but he was lightheaded and didn’t have the energy for filtering his thoughts. “you’ve been shot twice now and both times because of her… I wasn’t gonna stick around for a third time. “ 

Sherlock rest his head on the bed and stared at the ceiling.  
“I’ve been shot more than two times and … it wasn’t her fault. It’s coming back to me … the aquarium… I provoked norbury…mary warned me… I didn’t listen.”  
“stop it … Sherlock please.” He tore his look from the ceiling and found john’s eyes.  
“you did this the last time. You convinced me that she had no other choice… that she was innocent. Why are you trying more than me to save my marriage? “  
“because I don’t want to be guilty of ruining it. “  
“you’re not. okay? This is my choice… not yours” john said firmly. Sherlock looked unconvinced but nodded and returned to staring at the ceiling.

……………………..  
Sherlock was trying to catch up. His muscles weren’t exactly obeying his orders and keeping his head up even for a few minutes were a struggle. He had some delightful exercise to look forward to get the use of his body back. But his mind had more important things to think about. John was getting a divorce. Sherlock couldn’t tell him exactly the reason of his guilt. He could accept he was not the reason of their separation but the joy he felt in the deepest darkest part of his heart was real. And it made him a disgusting person. But john was getting a divorce and he had to try hard not to let hope take much space in his beaten and broken heart. 

“hey?”john said with a frown. “ what did you mean when you said you’ve been shot more than once?”  
Oh. Oh. Sherlock cursed internally. Of course. He hadn’t told john the details of his two years away.  
“nothing… it was a figure of speech” he said casually. please john. Just let it go.  
“no it wasn’t “now he was truly unto the subject. 

“augh nothing I was shot during my time hunting moriarty’s network.” He tried to keep his voice aloof like he was talking about the weather and not the bleedings and infections and pain. Oh the pain. He was lucky this time he was knocked out for the most painful part.  
John was obviously trying to hide his anger but there was something else in his eyes. Sadness? Pity? No he wouldn’t pity him. Guilt. But why would he feel guilty? But before he could figure out he heard the click of an umbrella on the floor outside his room and a few seconds later Mycroft opened the door.

“brother mine, I’m delighted to see you awake.” He said with a fake sneer. But Sherlock knew better. His brother was genuinely glad that he was relatively fine.  
“your jacket has gone down a size.. tell me you haven’t been starving yourself worrying about me.” He retorted. John smiled his wonderful warm smile that was only reserved for Sherlock. Mycroft rolled his eyes. 

“since your deducing skills remain intact, I hope we can assume your brain is undamaged, no more than before I might say. There’s only so many gold fish I can take. “  
“heeey” john protested. Mycroft took a look at john probably seeing the tired eyes and the slow movements. Sherlcok saw them too …that john was tired but he didn’t want him to leave him yet.  
“doctor Watson you haven’t slept properly in weeks why don’t you go back home and take a long rest. I’m sure I can provide my brother the assistance he might need.”  
John seemed like he wanted to say he was fine so Sherlock interrupted him.  
“he’s right john. I’m fine now. I’ll call if I need anything. Go home, rest, come back with some cold cases. “

John chuckled. “fine. “ he gathered his bag and looked like he wanted to say something before leaving. He opened his mouth but closed it again with a glance to Mycroft.  
“john?” Sherlock asked. Suddenly he put the bags on the chair and wrapped his arms around sherlock’s shoulders and rested his head against his temple. Sherlock held his breath trying to take all of it in . john’s breath on his ear, his tight grip. He weakly tried to raise his arm and return the hug but he only managed to touch john’s shoulder with his right hand.  
“thank you. For coming back. “he whispered just loud enough for him to hear. And then he pulled back picked up his bag and left without another word. 

Sherlock let out the breath he was holding the second the door closed. He knew his cheeks were red. Damn his pale complexion. mycroft was avoiding his gaze. But after a second of awkward silence he said:  
“how are you really feeling?”  
Sherlock cleared his throat not trusting his voice. “fine I guess. My mind is a little sluggish which is uncomfortable. but I guess that’s normal for someone who has been in a coma for a month. And I can’t really stand or use my arms very much. “

Mycroft nodded satisfied. Sherlock felt his eyes droop so he put his head on the bed. He tried to remember the details of john’s hug , his arms around him tightly holding him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Like he would protect him for the rest of his life. 

“he’s getting divorced.” No question who Mycroft was talking about. “he has spent most of the time he was not working in your room for weeks.”  
“I can see that Mycroft. what’s your point?” Sherlock said dryly. 

“just providing data, brother mine.” But he could feel the smile in his voice. “rest for now. I’ll be here for a few hours until mummy and dad arrive.”  
“thank you” he whispered before sleep took him with dreams of john’s lips against his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this:) as always comments are very appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mary visits sherlock.

it had been two days since Sherlock’s waking up. Most of his time was spent with exercises and random examinations. His test results were fine but he still had a long way to go on the path of recovery. Now he could get out of his bed to the chair without falling on his face. But he couldn’t stand up for long without any support. John helped him most but today was Monday and he had to go to work. Mrs Hudson and his parents had come and gone. Sherlock had told everyone to stop coddling him but he felt loved and taken care of despite his best efforts. Lestrade had brought him a box containing cold cases. He thanked him dearly because he didn’t know what to do today that john wasn’t coming till afternoon and Mycroft had advised him not to get any new real cases from twitter just yet. 

 

Sherlock had just finished his breakfast. His body was getting used to real food again. He went to his chair easier today and got ready to look in lestrade’s box when he heard his door open and close. He turned his up.  
“mary” he exclaimed. There was a baby sling around her shoulder as well as a supply bag and a bouquet of flower. “and little Watson”  
“oh Sherlock” mary walked over to him and hugged him briefly. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you’re fine. Mrs. Hudson told me.”  
Sherlock smiled shyly at her. He didn’t know what to say. _I’m sorry john can’t forgive you because of me, but I have an undying love for your husband so I’m kinda okay with it_ didn’t feel like a nice thing to say.  
“thanks for coming. The flowers are lovely. Can I see rosie?”

“sure” Mary put down the bag on a chair and the flowers on sherlock’s bed side table. Then she retrieved rosie from the sling and handed her to sherlock’s waiting arms.  
She was sleeping, her warm form a welcome weight in sherlock’s arms.  
“she’s grown so much in just a month.” He said looking back to mary. She was still smiling at him.  
“has she now? we’re lucky she’s asleep or you’d wish you’d gone back into a coma.”  
A chuckle made it through sherlock’s throat. Then he steeled himself to tell mary that he was sorry. It was true. He was. She didn’t need to know what else he felt.  
But before he could form the words john walked in the room and froze, taking in the picture before him.  
Mary followed sherlock’s look and froze as well. 

 

Perfect. Just perfect. This felt too familiar. John and mary about to have a row and himself weak after being shot. The only difference was the innocent baby in his arms. No he couldn’t bear to have her wake up to her yelling parents. So he said in a light tone:  
“john… I thought you were at work. Mary brought rosie to visit me.” He returned his look to her. And he seemed to have succeeded, since john only came in and stood next to Sherlock to watch his sleeping daughter.  
“yeah good. Hey how long have you been holding her? Your arms must be killing you now… let me have her for a while.” Sherlock hadn’t noticed the strain in his arms but he figured it might be unsafe for rosie to be held by him for too long. He still didn’t know how much to push his body. So he gently handed her to his father. 

Mary finally broke the silence with a firm but quiet voice. “I’m sorry john… I didn’t think you would be here.”  
He was staring at his girl and not mary, like he was trying to ground himself.  
“yeah I took a couple of weeks off. “he said in a surprisingly low tone.  
“what …why?” Sherlock asked. John finally tore his eyes from rosie and looked at him.  
“you need someone to help you with everything for a while... till you get your strength back. “  
“you didn’t need to do that john.” Sherlock said not daring to look at mary. This was too much. ‘She must hate me’ he thought.  
“yes I did.. it’s the least I can do.” He finally looked at mary. Who stood up from the chair she was occupying.  
“I’d better go then. I was about to take rosie to the day care. “ she extended her arms to john and her reluctantly let her go. 

 

“it was nice seeing you mary.”Sherlock stood up slowly. “Give my love to Watson when she wakes up. “ mary hesitated then put her arm around sherlock in a quick half hug. John tensed next to him.  
“get well soon.” And then they were gone. John exhaled loudly and sherlock’s knees wobbled. He tried to sit back down and felt john’s hand on his elbow steadying him. 

 

“god I’m such an arse… I feel like you’re gonna get hurt whenever I see her too close to you… Is it always gonna be like this? “john said visibly letting his masks fall away.  
“probably not... it’ll get better… you have rosie to think about now. you need to be civil.” He said carefully, not revealing the swelling of the heart in his chest. John’s walk to his side, now in the light of his words, made sense.  
“I know I know.”john falling to mary’s chair with his face in his hands.  
“did you seriously take time off work to coddle me?” Sherlock said trying to change the obvious misery in the air. And it worked. John sat up crossing his arms in front of his chest. Frowning at Sherlock. Well that one was defiantly a good sign if he was ready to boss him around.  
“of course … and you will let me. “he said strictly. Sherlock smiled. “I’m not gonna go to work to come see you have starved yourself or fell on your arse trying to reach the books in the top shelves.”  
“not that you can help me with that one.” Sherlock smiled freely now.  
“ha ha john is shorter than sherlock… how funny.” John said with an annoyed voice but unable to keep up the bad temper for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it :)


	6. Chapter 6

He was being released from the hospital today. John was doing the paperwork. Sherlock had changed when john came back with a wheelchair. Sherlock still couldn’t walk for too long but when he saw the wheelchair he recoiled.   
“NO” he exclaimed at john. “I can walk outside thank you very much. “  
“no you can’t… just sit down. It’s faster. You can sulk back at home. “ john was surprisingly kind with him these days. He wouldn’t get angry as often as Sherlock remembered he did before.   
“I’m not sulking.” He said as he sat with his bag on his lap. 

John was right the distance between his room and the entrance which led to the street was longer than the amount he could manage standing up. John hailed a cab and helped him into it. He started nodding off after a few minutes. Sherlock noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Although he had gone home last few nights he was still tired.   
“didn’t get much sleep last night?” he asked.   
“no I had Rosie the last two nights. I guess she’s still getting used to the change in her sleeping place.”  
Sherlock nodded and turned back to the window. John took take of rosie on his own when mary had been gone but he had rarely ever stayed the nights in baker street. 

 

“hey… you don’t have to worry about it.” John said with a determined voice. “I’m moving out as soon as you feel better and don’t need my help anymore.”

 

“excuse me what? Why?” he didn’t understand. What would he be worried about? John back at baker street was what he always wanted. At the back of his mind he blamed himself for letting hope in his heart. Of course HE wanted john back. But john had moved on. He had a toddler who he probably didn’t want to raise with a mad detective. 

 

“I don’t want to impose, you know. You never asked to be woken up by a kid’s cry in the middle of the night. “ john said like he was stating the obvious. 

 

“john I love rosie” he blurted before he could stop himself. He had to try. ” and if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather live with the two of my most favorite people in the world rather than alone. “   
“really? You’re not joking?” john said his face lighting up.   
“of course. ” Sherlock offered him a smile hoping that he could feel how much he was missed in his flat and his life. 

 

“okay. Alright. I must admit it would be much easier for me and mrs.hudson could look after her if a case came up unexpected. I know she’s not our housekeeper OR babysitter. But I guess…” he trailed off about the practicality of this choice and Sherlock could barely contain his glee. John was coming back and already planning on how he would tag alone with him on cases. 

 

“your favorite people in the world huh? “he said with a smirk. “I had no idea I was your favorite person.” 

‘Oh when have you ever had any idea what’s going on in my head’ he thought to himself smiling. “ why would you think that? Of course rosie is my favorite. you’re placed somewhere in the next fifteen.”   
“yeah right.” John turned away from him to look back out the window. “and you’re mine… you know after rosie.”  
Sherlock’s breath hitched in his chest. John was still looking outside. ‘you’re mine’ he had said. Of course he didn’t mean he was his. He just meant he was his favorite person after his daughter!! He honestly didn’t know which was better. He felt his face heat and he didn’t know what to respond.

 

Fortunately, the cab stopped in front of their flat and he had to get out. His arms and legs were shaking by the time he got to the door. John paid the cab and rushed to him with his bag in his one hand and the key in other. Mrs. Hudson greeted them with rosie in her arms and Sherlock thought to himself that he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you guys thought. :)   
> I think the next chapter is gonna be the last. i'll upload around tuesday.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the eventual fluff and first kiss ^_^

Sherlock had spent his first day back home mostly on his chair studying the cold cases lestrade had left for him and occasionally walking over to kitchen and back, to get his mug of tea. which john stubbornly insisted that he had to get up and get himself or he wouldn’t get any. He knew john would finally give up and bring him the tea if he persisted on sitting but he knew that he had to move to recover faster and he couldn’t wait to get back his strength.

Finally, he couldn’t keep his eyes open much longer and the second time his eye lids threatened to fall john got up and put his book aside.   
“okay time for bed I guess. I’ve left the baby monitor with rosie so she’ll be fine “ john was looking uncomfortably around the flat. “ I think I’m gonna sleep on the sofa… you know in case you need me.”  
The depth of his consideration filled sherlock’s chest with warmth. But he tried to keep his feeling from being exposed on his face.  
“thank you john, but the sofa isn’t very comfortable. You should sleep in your bed. I’ll be fine. “ sherlock said as he got up and moved towards his room.   
“just shout if you need anything okay?”  
“sure good night”  
“night”

…………………………  
Sherlock jerked awake with a pang. It was still dark. At first he didn’t know what might have woken him up but a few second later he heard a muffled moan from the sitting room. John hadn’t listened to him and slept on the sofa anyway then. He tried to ignore it. He wasn’t particularly interested in whatever or whoever john would be moaning for in his dreams. He turned on his other side and tried to go back to sleep but this time the sound came, it was louder and much more distraught. 

Sherlock slowly pushed aside his sheets and tried to sit up. John’s voice was growing into a shout now. defiantly a nightmare then. Sherlock got up and walked to the sofa as fast as he could while turning on the light in the kitchen. John was sprawled on it with a blanket twisted under his waist and around his legs. the skin on his throat shining with sweat under the lamp light. 

“john?” Sherlock said gently sitting on the coffee table. But john didn’t wake up or show any reaction so he tried louder this time. “john wake up you’re just having a nightmare. “  
John turned his head around but kept his eyes closed. He was breathing heavily now. Sherlock held his shoulder and called his name louder.   
“john… wake up it’s okay you’re alright. You’re home.” At this his eyes fluttered open and took a few seconds to find sherlock’s in the room.  
“hey hey it’s okay.. it was just a dream. “   
John stared at him for a few more seconds and then tried to sit up. “sorry I woke you up.”   
“it’s alright.”sherlock realized his hand was still on john’s shoulder. He pulled it back reluctantly. Then just to have something to do he stood up with his wobbly knees and brought a glass of cold water back for john. Who was still following him around with his stare. But accepted the glass and drank it at one go. Water trickled down his throat joining the beads of sweat. sherlock couldn’t help but stare.

“what was it about?” he asked mostly to distract himself. “do you want to talk about it?”

“same thing it has been last few weeks.” John said with a grave expression. “you getting shot by people and dying in…” 

………………………………………..  
‘dying in my arms.’ He had almost said before he could stop himself. But he couldn’t tell sherlock how he had bled to death in his arms just a few minutes earlier. He also couldn’t tell him that he had kissed him on his lifeless lips for the first time wishing he was dead himself too.

Sherlock was sitting in front of him on the coffee table waiting for him to finish his sentence. He was wearing an old tshirt and a pair of pajamas and his curls were as messy as ever. If he closed his eyes he could still remember the feeling of his lips under his own. He wanted to feel them again… he wanted to feel sherlock alive and breathing against his lips.   
………………………………………..  
Sherlock’s mind was trying to fill in the sentence that john had left incomplete. It was probably ‘dying in the aquarium’. Guilt rushed to him for being the reason of john’s distraught state. But what bothered him more was that he couldn’t read the expression on john’s face as he was staring at sherlock since he had woken up.   
Before he knew it john leaned forward and put his palms on each side of sherlock’s face. He had no choice but to stare back at the dark blue eyes. His mind had drawn a blank page and his heart was racing. John closed his eyes and he felt his warm lips touch his own. It was a sweet gentle kiss and before he could react or start to take in the details they were gone.

John had kissed him and sherlock wanted more . he inhaled deeply and put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him in for a proper kiss. sherlock was hot and cold at the same time. Some part of his mind was wondering why he hadn’t done this sooner. He felt john’s whole body melt into the kiss. He pulled back to look at john’s face. He opened his eyes when sherlock’s hand rested on his jaw. There were tears in his eyes threatening to fall any second. His face was so full of affection that sherlock felt like his heart would burst out of his chest any second.   
“john Watson” he found his voice. “I love you.”  
John let out a voice between a sob and a chuckle. the tears finally fell on his cheeks. Sherlock kissed them away like it was the most obvious act in the world.   
“come here” he said with a shaky voice. Sherlock joined him on the sofa. John closed in for another kiss this time with more urgency. One of his hand’s was roaming sherlock’s back and the other was curled around his neck. It felt like john was trying to fill years of feelings in a kiss. 

Sherlock eased himself on the armrest of the sofa pulling john on to him. His smaller figure fit perfectly with him. John pulled his face back and rest his head on sherlock’s chest. Both of them breathing heavily held onto each other. Sherlock listened to john and his own breathing until they both drifted off to sleep.   
……………………………….  
Sherlock felt too cold and exposed. He opened his eyes. He was on the sofa it took him a moment to remember why. He took a look at his watch. It was just a little past five. And then panic hit him. John was gone. Was it real? He was sure they had kissed and fell asleep together. Had john woken up to realize that it was just a mistake caused by tangled nightmares? Oh no. if so their friendship would be affected now. he had told him that he loved him. John would feel uncomfortable and want to leave as soon as sherlock recovered. 

Maybe it would help if they both pretended like nothing happened. Sherlock felt like dying all over again. He couldn’t do this now. now that he knew what it was like. 

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs pulled him out of his mind. Sherlock sat up and slowly got on his feet as john came in the room with the baby monitor in hand.  
“good morning” sherlock said not looking at his eyes and making his way to the bathroom. Only to find his way blocked by john, Who put his left hand on his jaw. Sherlock let out the breath he was holding and finally locked eyes with john. 

 

“Morning” john said before he pulled himself up and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. Sherlock wrapped his arms around him tightly.   
“hey are you okay?” john said lightly his chest vibrating against sherlock’s middle.   
“you were gone… I … I thought…” he couldn’t finish his sentence. But john seemed to know exactly what he had thought.   
“oh “ he just said. But he pulled back and rested his arms on sherlock’s hips.   
“I was just checking up on rosie… heard her over the monitor I didn’t want to wake you again.” He said his eyes boring in sherlock’s soul. He nodded his understanding. 

 

“can we sit? I need to tell you something.” John led them to the chairs around the table in the kitchen. He held sherlock’s both hands in his own and looked down at them for quite a while before he inhaled loudly and looked up to him.   
“sherlock you have saved my life on more than one occasion but most importantly you have saved my soul and this has taken me a long time and I hate myself for taking this long to see this because I love you.” Sherlock felt tears welling in his eyes. He wouldn’t even imagine this in his wildest dreams.   
“of course I do… I have for years.” John continues his voice shaky. “sherlock holmes, your heart is bigger than your brilliant brain and I’m honored to be one of the few people who has seen and known the real you… That you have let me see… now I don’t know what this means… I don’t know what kind of man that makes me… to not be separated from his wife more than few weeks and now I’m telling you that I have loved you for years” john’s face contorted in a painful expression and he averted his eyes away from sherlock. 

 

“john… it’s okay” he interrupted him by putting his hand on his face. “ we can take all the time you need… I’m not in a hurry...Did you rehearse that speech while you were upstairs?” he said a smile pulling on his lips.   
“you cock.” John said batting his arm but being unable to hold his chuckle in.

sherlock drew a deep breath. He never wanted to see john miserable again. he made a vow to himself to always try and make him at least smile if not laugh his ridiculous adorable giggle. Oh how he wanted to kiss that smile. They both leaned in at the same time. Apparently john was thinking the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed this part. hope you guys did too :) tell me what you think.


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